i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
