I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Come on in and take your pants off
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