Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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