So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
