I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize