I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
