Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I could fuck to npr.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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