i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need moral support for this bender
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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