The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
