i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
