it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
