She's JV to your varsity
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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