I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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