Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
