i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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