I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
