where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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