i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
