Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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