everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
