Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
