I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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