Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
