I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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