I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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