they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
