I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
