I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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