Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
