Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
