i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
