SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
