I hope mine doesn't look like that
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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