It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
