and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize