Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
