One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
