I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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