Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
