My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
