At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she smelled like a LAN party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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