I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
