There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
