who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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