I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
