i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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