So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
