a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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