is your mom at the bar?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
