I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
