Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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