Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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