I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
