I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
