party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
