my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
