also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
