its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
