My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
