she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
