at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
