the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
