And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
