btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
