Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
