Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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