My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
