Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
