you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
